Friends, The Jewish People have gone insane. Literally insane. I hate to say it today, on this holiest day of the year, to indict our people, but we are absolutely, certifiably, insane.
Let me explain. If we use the famous definition that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. We are insane. Think about it. What caused October 7th? The answer is that our enemies saw us ripping each other apart. They saw the horrible, rancorous, divisive debate going on about judicial reform every week in Israel. They saw how we had weakened ourselves. How distracted we were- and attacked…and now, less than a year later we are back at it. We are at each other’s throats. The hostage deal or lack thereof. The Charedi Draft issue. We have gone insane. And if yesterday we discussed the role of a renewed relationship with G-d, then today we must discuss our renewed relationship with our fellow man.
This issue recently came up when I was together with a group of other rabbis. And the issue was how to solve this? How do we address issues that are real? After all, the aforementioned issues are very very important. They speak to the essence of Israel’s character as a democracy, they speak to life and death issues of saving the hostages vs. preventing terror, of who sends their sons and daughters to the battlefield. And not only are they significant, they are also zero sum. There isn’t much room to compromise. So one rabbi said the famous response, if people internalized that we were one, that Hitler didn’t make distinctions between Jews when he sent them to the gas chambers then we shouldn’t either.
Friends, I have to tell you something. Its true that Hitler didn’t make distinctions. But how does that help? What happens when we have irreconcilable differences with each other about issues that have real stakes? That are often zero sum?
But while the Hitler response does not answer the question. I do think it helps frame the conversation. In fact I was recently listening to a shiur and the rabbi told a powerful story. You know now in Israel there are incredible groups that make Shabbatons for the families of the victims of October 7th or for the families of fallen chayalim. And they are Shabbatot of camaraderie, of remembrance, of respite. And this rabbi was invited to speak there for the melave malka. And he got there as they were davening maariv. And at the conclusion of maariv, he burst into tears. Why? Because Maariv ends with a mourner’s Kaddish. And every single person in the entire room was saying the kaddish in unison. They were all mourners. Little boys of 6, 7, 8. Teenagers. Grandparents. They were all mourners. Like Hitler, Hamas did not make distinctions. And his takeaway question was that we must ask ourselves: are we living up to their sacrifice? Is the way we conduct ourselves as a Jewish People- worthy of their sacrifice?
Now The reason why this question matters is because it reminds us that the reason why Hitler and Hamas didn’t discriminate between Jews is because they see us as one people. One family. And that is instructive for us. Because it reminds us that wherever disagreements we have, we must see them as we would with a parent or a spouse, not with some stranger.
In fact I want to share a powerful story I recently heard on 1840 podcast. Tuvia Tannebaum is a formerly Charedi Jew who left the community and went on to become a playwright and a journalist. He was recently charged with writing a book about the Charedi or Ultra Orthodox community and to do so he said he had to live in Meah Shearim for the year. He wanted to be fully immersed in the culture before he wrote a book. In contrast to many other similar works of this genre, his book is warm and affectionate toward the Charedi community. He tells the following story: I asked one of them why are you embracing us? I didn’t expect such a warm welcome. And the answer was that when you speak to us in Yiddish we hear your zeide speaking to our zeide in yiddish, I had goosebumps. Because this said you and us are the same family no matter what difference we had we have the same family. Our zeide spoke to your zeide. When we speak to other Jews no matter how much we disagree with them, we hear the echoes of the past, the sparks of the future and the bonds of shared blood that are connected.
And my friends, when we acknowledge these deep bonds of family and shared destiny, it highlights the reverse as well. That because we are bound together these disagreements we have have real stakes to them. You see if I disagree with the NYT about something It doesn’t matter, because they don’t mean anything to me. If there’s an opinion of some guy in China that I think is dead wrong- it doesn’t matter- to me because we have no relationship. It is only because you have a relationship with someone that that you care about. The deeper the relationship we have the more we care about things. There no fight like that between a husband and wife or between siblings over an inheritance! So when we acknowledge that we are family, on the one hand it frames the conversation because its framed in a setting of love and on the other hand that’s the whole reason you care! Because you care what the people who you love do! You care about those closest to you! These relationships have stakes to them!
In many ways this concept is the premise of Rosh HaShana. You see what Rosh HaShana insists on is that our relationship with G-d has stakes. Its not impersonal. Things don’t happen randomly but they have actual, real live stakes to them. If you think about the notion of zichronos- that G-d reviews the deeds of all mankind. As we say in Untenaeh Tokef- Kvakaras Roeh Edro- like a shepherd counting his flock- G-d is saying what you do matters. And not only what you do matters- what you did matters. And if you damaged our relationship throughout the year, we need to come back together on Rosh HaShana and work it out. This is a radical concept. So may go through life, with the illusion that G-d doesn’t really care what they do. After 120 when they die, whatever happens will happen. What Rosh HaShana insists upon is that our relationship with G-d has stakes! You can’t just leave it alone and whatever happens happens, but it needs to be cultivated, worked on and repaired.
And this is exactly what the Chazzan invokes in the moving Hineni Prayer before we begin Shmoen Esre. He says G-d, I am an Ani Mimaas- I am impoverished of deeds. I am really unworthy to stand before you on this awesome day. I am unworthy of standing in the company of the Angels and celestial spheres. But Al Kol Peshaim Techaseh Ahava- let our love and relationship cause you to look away from the shortfallings we have had throughout the year. Because I love you and you love. This is the essence of Rosh HaShana- its the day that we acknowledge that if you have a relationship with stakes- you must repair.
So let’s take this down from the 1000 foot view to the day to day. What does this mean for me? What does this mean for you? We are not going to solve Israel’s problems today. How does this affect my brother that I’m angry with? My relationship with my spouse? My colleague? My friend? I get that we are family. I get that that’s why we get mad. That’s specifically because of the relationship. I get that means the relationship has stakes.I get I can’t embrace insanity, but often we are facing very real issues with our fellow Jews. Intractable issues. Zeros sum issues. What does that mean for me in my daily life? If we are going to see a psychologist, to cure us of our insanity, what would they recommend?
I think there are two points: 1. Is how we make decisions and 2. Is a kabbalah for the new year. The first is something my Rebbe, Rabbi Hauer the head of the OU recently wrote about on behalf of the OU. He wrote that we must rank Shalom and Ahavas Yisrael higher in the matrix of our decision making. He said it doesn’t matter how much chessed of kindness you do. You can do all of the chessed in the world and still be a baal Machlokes. But when we factor in decisions, Shalom needs to be an overarching principle that helps guide our decision making. And 2. Is a kabbalah. My suggestion is take someone in your life with whom your relationship has stakes. Someone who isn’t peripheral in your life, but he matters to you. A friend, a family member or a colleague and make a chavursa with them once a week. It may not be easy, it may not be comfortable, but reach out and establish a connection with them. You don’t have to learn gemera- you can learn meseches starbucks. But don’t allow a relationship that matters to atrophy. This is the essential premise of Rosh HaShana- when relationships have stakes- you have to take them seriously. G-d does it with us and we must do it with the people in our lives. And any other choice is the definition of insanity.
Charlie Harary tells the story of how years ago, in 2001, he was over a rabbis house on SImchas Torah and there was a woman at the table who was sitting for a few minutes and just got up and left. And it was weird. She was sitting and then just got up and walked right out. And teh rabbi gave us a look like just don’t say anything. And everyone stayed silent. And she slammed the door and left. And every just sat there sort of stunned and uncomfortable. And the rabbi said this woman needs alot of help. In what way? Now this was Simchas Torah of 2001 a mere month after Sept 11. And this woman’s husband had been working in the twin towers. That Tuesday morning she had gotten into a fight with her husband. He left for work. She left for carpool. And as she is doing her carpool, the plane hits the second tower, 15 floors beneath him. He knew it was over. 20 seconds left of life, what do you do? Do you know what this man did? He called his wife and he picked up his phone and he called his wife and he said “honey, I’m the luckiest man in the world that I was worthy of living with you as long as I did. Whatever I did in my life to not make you happy, I regret it now. You’re the greatest thing that G-d gave me. Just turn on the TV and know Ill love you forever. She walks into the house, throws the keys, still upset from the morning. She starts doing dishes and clicks on her favorite morning television show, but instead every show is being blocked by wall to wall coverage of the twin towers. And as she looks down at the corner of her life she looks down and sees a blinking red light on her phone. And she plays the message of her husband as she watches her husband’s building crash to the ground. 20 seconds left of life, what do you do? Most people pick up the phone to call because that’s what they always wanted to do.
And thats also what happened on October 7th. You know, this years I had the chance to visit Kfar Azza, one of those Kibbutsim that was devastated on Octover 7th. And In some of the homes there they posted images of the final text messages peopel sent to their families as they understood what was happening to them. I want to share with you one of the ones that I saw that I would like to share
“It’s the end. They got to me. Honey, sorry about everything. Take care of the kids, send a kiss to mom”…Those words.. Honey sorry about everything…Sorry about everything…
One of the great Chassidic Masters, the Bas Ayin, Rav Avraham Aurebach of Ovritch. It was said regarding the Land of Israel, but I feel it applies equally or even more to the subject at hand. Rabbi Aurbach moved to the land of Israel from Eastern Europe at the age of 70 to begin his life anew in Eretz Yisrael, our holy land that the Torah says was filled with beauty and grandeur, spiritual diamonds and gems. Nevertheless, when he first arrived this great Chassisc Master didn’t see any diamonds or gems. Disappointed in himself, he closed himself up inside his house for hours and days and worked on himself to appreciate the beauty of the Land and its inhabitants. When he emerged he made a festive Seudah, a festive meal. He was now able to see the diamond.
My friends, every Jewish person is a diamond. They contain a spark of G-dliness in them direct from heaven. They are our flesh and blood. Our zeides and their zeides were were conversing together. We know what we really want to say to others. Today let us learn the other major lesson from October 7th. Say the things to each other today. You dont need to wait till a 9/11 or 10/7. Make Shalom a higher priority in our matrix of decision making. Reach out to someone to learn meseches Starbucks. Because the relationships we have with family and friends, our fellow Jews have stakes- just like our relationship with G-d Almighty. As the Shofar blasts, let us pray that G-d grant us the capacity to see the diamonds and gems in each and everyone one of us.